This is one I have to be continually reminded of because I regularly fail–especially with my kids.

As much as we would like to think, we don’t have any control over other people. We can’t force anyone to change.

As the saying goes, “A man or woman convinced against their will is of the same opinion still.”

But it’s so natural to try to shame people into changing. If you’re a parent or in a relationship, you probably know exactly what I’m talking about.

But what I’ve noticed about myself is that the times I feel most convicted about my behavior and feel a desire to change is when I am treated better than I deserve. When I am treated with kindness, grace, and understanding DESPITE my behavior, that is when I feel the most guilty and realize my errors.

Conversely, when I feel that someone is shaming me and criticizing me, my natural reaction is to become more defensive and to justify my behavior rather than to readily admit my fault.

So the next time you’re in a conflict, instead of being defensive and attempting to make the other person feel bad for what they did or said, be more empathetic and see things from the their point of view.

Maybe they were wrong and if so, the odds are that they already know it and don’t need you to pile it on.

Instead of putting them down, pull them up and speak words of life. The reality is that hurting people hurt people. So if someone does something that hurt you, there is something going on in their life that is stressing them out and they likely just need some encouragement and somebody to listen to them.

I’ll admit that this can be really hard, but it will transform your relationships.